if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
