She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
