What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
