My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ttyl tear gas
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
