My sheets look like a crime scene.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
