i was born a porn star she said
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize