My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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