so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize