I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Life is so much better after having sex.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
