operation harelip BJ is a go
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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