i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
