I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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