The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
