I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
