If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
