dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
