Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So vagazzling was a success
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
