I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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