If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
