boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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