my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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