im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
