every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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