But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
