Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
