pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
