my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
