Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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