If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize