Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
