just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
