It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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