Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
