im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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