take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
