New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Everclear isn't food dammit
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
