First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
