Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My balls are so social today.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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