I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
