By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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