I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
