also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
be right there i have to get my cape
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
