Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
