dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Drunk is not a location!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
