..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
