Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
