I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
