I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize