Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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