i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
