mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
