3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
