Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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