I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We need to get me chipped asap
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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