i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
