I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
cat food counts as protein by the way
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize