He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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