And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
