U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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