I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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