I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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