I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
