some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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