You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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