Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
